Attachment Theory as Shadow Work

Taryn Newton-Gill of Truer Love

In the first guest episode of Creating Consciousness, we are joined by Taryn Newton-Gill of Truer Love. Taryn is a love guide and woman empowerment coach who uses her progressive platform to support female people’s love relationships. Taryn’s purpose is to expand the feminine collective confidence, consciousness, and intuition so all women can toss out the misguided fairy tales that have never served them and replace them with stories that help women cultivate healthier and more satisfying relationships.

Let’s be real, how often have you gotten caught up in the idea of a fairytale relationship? Or perhaps you idolized the portrayal of toxic relationships on television? Whichever it may be, there’s something to learn from it.

Taryn specializes in attachment theory and helping individuals understand their attachment style to cultivate more authentic and intimate relationships. We dive deep into her journey, how she got started with attachment theory, what attachment theory is, and how you can create more security in your relationships.

If you have a moment, please take this survey to let us know how we can improve your listening experience.

Listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Pandora, iHeartRadio, PlayerFM, or Listen Notes

If you enjoy this episode, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts!
P.S. If you DM us a screenshot of your review, we’ll send you something special!

SHOW NOTES

• [00:00:38] Podcast begins.
• [00:00:58] Today’s guest is Taryn Newton-Gill of Truer Lover.
• [00:01:50] Getting caught up in the idea of a fairytale relationship.
• [00:02:35] Taryn specializes in attachment theory but blends her own intuition and healing abilities to help bring your attachment shadows to light.
• [00:03:40] Why people ask “is this person the one for me?” and why we need to try out best to love ourselves.
• [00:05:30] Rebecca welcomes Taryn and shares her personal experience with Taryn.
• [00:06:25] Taryn: Gemini Sun/ Gemini Rising/Cancer Moon; Manifesting Generator; Anxious Attachment Type
• [00:09:30] Who is Taryn? What does she do? What are her goals as a Love Guide and Women’s Empowerment Coach?
• [00:10:20] Real love vs. Fairytale love and Taryn’s journey in Attachment Theory.
• [00:12:00] The cycle that repeats when not aware of attachment type.
• [00:12:45] “It’s healthy to… see multiple people at a time….”
• [00:15:00] Attachment is a scientific framework to understand how humans connect. Everyone in the world has an attachment style.
• [00:16:30] “when I’m having anxiety over someone my attachment system is activated…”
• [00:17:43] The strange situation test and understanding how children form emotional bonds with their parents — the root of attachment.
• [00:21:40] Your attachment style can change, but most people carry their attachment style with them to adulthood.
• [00:22:23] How does unawareness of attachment style or not knowing your attachment style show up in your teen or adult relationships?
• [00:24:00] Learning about your attachment style starts with identifying your core wounds. Take Taryn’s attachment style quiz here.
• [00:24:35] The secure attachment type. 50% of the population.
• [00:25:38] The anxious attachment type. 20% of the population.
• [00:27:20] The avoidant attachment type. 25% of the population.
• [00:29:50] The fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment type. 5% of population.
• [00:33:05] Protest behavior showing up as avoidance.
• [00:35:00] How shadow shows up in attachment theory.
• [00:37:00] “We stick [sic] in relationships because they reinforce the untrue beliefs we already have that we are comfortable with.” (Understanding the anxious-avoidant loop).
• [00:40:00] Anxious attachment types turn to those who are avoidant because they avoid their core values and their needs. Someone who is avoidant turns to an anxious partner because they hyper-fixate or are anxious about intimacy. There is a need for validation.
• [00:41:00] The butterfly feeling is actually a trauma response, it’s related to stress. Secure people often don’t experience the butterfly feeling or do they give other people butterflies.
• [00:43:57] Attachment is also about learning how you feel in your body.
• [00:44:40] ACT therapy and mindfulness are great for those struggling with attachment wounds.
• [00:47:30] Sue Johnson and her belief that every interaction in every relationship comes down to our core wounds.
• [00:48:47] “Intimacy exists in the present moment. If we are too obsessed with our trauma or what might happen in the future, those are fear-based things that take us out of the present moment. Intimacy is being able to connect emotionally in the present moment.”
• [00:50:19] Your needs are not your to-do list.
• [00:50:57] How do you “fix” your attachment style?
• [00:52:00] More on how understanding attachment is shadow work.
• [00:54:50] “Truly loving yourself is knowing you’re an imperfect human.”
• [00:55:50] Your partner doesn’t have to fill every need you have. Taryn discusses the book “The Four Man Plan.“
• [00:57:15] Taryn’s last words.
• [01:02:00] Today’s card reading. The Three of Pentacles.
• [00:30:36] Episode ends.

PEOPLE AND RESOURCES MENTIONED

Follow Taryn on Instagram (@_truerlove_)
Find Out Your Attachment Style (quiz)
Schedule a Session with Taryn
Taryn’s Conscious Communication Mini-Course
Attached: The Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find and Keep Love (book)
The Four Man Plan (book)
This Consciousness Intuitive Healing Containers
This Consciousness Energy Sessions

THIS WEEK’S CARD READING AFFIRMATION

“I am open. Vulnerability is my strength, not my weakness.”
Repeat this affirmation to yourself throughout the week. Feel it and believe it.